Getaway

Hi all!

It has been a little while since my last fun, positive post! 

I wanted to let everyone know that I have 12 radiation days left and since my last post, I started to lose my hair, like a lot of it, since Sunday, every stinkin' day. So far I have managed to part it wayyyyy over to the right and cover up my, oh so beautiful bald spot/receding hair line. Pretty much all that grew back since surgery on the left side is gone and literally dead center of my head back is just bald.

And the left side of my forehead is getting really red. It doesn't really burn or anything but it's called "radiation burn." It just looks really irritated and red and blemished and obviously I can't put any make up on it at all. 

And I noticed my left eyebrow, a few hair falling out here and there each day. I'm really trying SO hard to not let it all bother me but it's tough. I really don't know how I will handle a missing eyebrow. Probably have my second emotional break down. But until then, the thinning calls for a little brow pencil.

It's all a little more frustrating because even though I "expected" it, it doesn't matter. It's totally different once it actually happens. And the doctor said it will probably just thin. Yesterday the nurse said "yeah we weren't expecting you to lose that much." Like that's great to hear people. They need to be more negative at the get go. Tell me I'm going to lose it all so when I lose a little I'm happy not surprised! I also went to Jean Paul to see what they could do to cover it and he said I'm doing a pretty good job and I should leave it alone for now because you never know what else might happen. He's right. At this point, pretty much everything people "expected" wasn't this case so I'm going to stop expecting and just let shit (please excuse my language) happen and deal with it!!

And the fatigue has been unbearable! I feel like a zombie. But I still wake up at like 4:45am and can't fall back asleep. It's crazy. I wake up like wide awake, ready to get the day going and then later in the day I'm exhausted! So this morning, the new standard 4:45 hits so I decided to shower and be to work by 6:30am instead of just laying in bed with my eyes wide open. So my mom picked me up at the office and we went and I was done by 8:25 (they took me early) and back to work I went. By 2pm I was literally about to take a nap out in my car. And of course I can never fall asleep by 10 either. 

Anyways, the purpose of telling everyone all of this is because I decided that I am not going to participate in the race this weekend. I appreciate everyone who bought t-shirts and signed up and I apologize if anyone was coming to see me but frankly, this weekend, I don't want to be seen. I want to RELAX. Maybe hiding a little but just let me for one weekend. I have been doing way too much. And the minute that John found out about my wishes, he booked us a little Inn at Saranac Lake where I have never been! I'm really excited to go there and just relax. Don't want to, don't have to, see, talk or answer to anyone! (Except my mom- she gets special treatment, especially after that slap.)

Anyways, things are moving along. Just can't wait for it to be over! These moments I have been having are the ones that really make you realize how silly and insignificant it was/is to stress over the small stuff. It's okay to care about things but it can be taken too far. Remember that things can always be worse. Always. 

Thank you guys again for the t's, race and all other donations and gifts! It really shows how great people can be. It makes me tear up every time :-) 

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

<3 Erica