Time to take a chill pill...

Hola!

I wanted to clear up a few things that I have been asked by more than 1 person over the past couple weeks:
(1) Radiation treatment is Monday-Friday, NOT one day a week but five
(2) I take a chemotherapy pill, every day of the week, all seven
(3) I am not sensitive to loud noises anymore (unless I'm trying to sleep of course)
(4) I am back at work full-time, with the exception of my daily treatments, appointments or any other medical situations

So even though I may or may not have said I didn't want this to get too "personal," I think it is a little late for that...

Let me begin by saying, this weekend was the first time that I actually had an emotional break-down. I'm talking Saturday 1am until I fell asleep, Sunday at 8am immediately when I woke up, Sunday on my drive to Hudson and Sunday on my drive back to Albany. I think a total of 3.5-4 hours. BUT from what I have read and heard, everyone has to have these moments, then you let them pass, and MOVE ON.

I think I was so scared since I started on September 3rd (15 days ago - 30 left) that I just kept everything bottled up. I was making myself more anxious over everything that I had to go through and making it harder for me and some people that I really love a lot.

For example, I was FREAKING out about having to take the medicine on this strict schedule and have "special" toiletres. So I would be over dramatic and say I can't go ANYWHERE or do ANYTHING without having to deal with all this medicine and toiletres. WHAT IF I GET SICK? Complaining about "never being able to have a sip of alcohol again or go out with friends." I mean - that's not even true. Not even close.

And I really realized that this past week. I think I went out to dinner 5+ times, went to a bar, went apple picking, hung out with friends, etc... Yeah, it was a little different than I would have been 3 months ago but not in a bad way. It's actually kind of fun being sober and realizing how "funny" (that's my word of choice over my original word I thought of) everyone else acts and it's also kind of nice going home by midnight and not staying out until 3am and having a really crappy following day. Maybe I'm growing up a little, a little more mature, and I don't hate it!!

And, as it turns out, it's really not that big of a deal to bring the medicine along with me, my extra 'travel' case of meds really comes in handy. I just keep it on me at all times so now I even think I could do some last minute stuff. As for the timing of taking it, I have been lucky that I don't get sick so as long as I have my cell phone on me to remind me of the time, I can take them really anywhere, not ONLY while laying in MY BED at MY APARTMENT. Talk about dramatics. I would probably make a pretty good actress, you can ask my mom. One time she "slapped" me and by slap, I mean she put her hand on my shoulder, and I threw my entire body across the room, onto the floor and started crying. The woman has never even really raised her voice let alone slapped us. Mind you - I think this was the time I got caught sneaking out of my house in high school with my partner in crime, Breanne.

And as toiletres goes, I mean, I normally would just have to bring my regular toiletres anyways. Get over it, Erica.

As you're reading this, you might be wondering where I'm considering "traveling" to and from. A lot of this is all related to spending the night at my boyfriend John's apartment, which is less than 10 minutes away. A lot of it also has to do with me complaining to HIM mostly about all of these negative things. Making it seem like I will never be the same Erica as I used to be and that going out is unacceptable. AND I realized, that he has also been dealing with a LOT, not just me and we haven't been together for all that long and he still is here. We both need to compromise, not just him. I am actually really lucky that I have him and I love him for putting up with all of this so far. I love him either way but still.

Anyways, this is where, "Time to take a chill pill..." comes from. I have had no extreme negative side effects yet. Why am I acting like I have every possible one? Now is not the time to be anxious, stressed or dramatic. I need to save it. As treatments continue, I will be more tired and most likely need to sleep a lot more, relax more, etc. I will also most likely lose at LEAST some hair in the treatment areas. My skin will get worse on my forehead. BUT IT ISN'T RIGHT NOW. TODAY. Which is how everyone should live, in the moment, not constantly thinking about the future. That is no fun for anyone. It causes more stress than needed.

Truly Medical Update
Speaking of side effects, I have started having some minor ones. I am starting to feel more tired/fatigued than normal but nothing that I have been worried about yet. But the more major of the minor side effects is that I am already starting to have the irritated, red, itchy, sometimes burning feeling, on my scalp and forehead. I guess radiation acne is also something that can occur, or at least that's what I am calling it. It's like a rash but red bumps. Not too bad yet, but for me, 1 bump is like the end of the world. AND I can't put my make-up on it. Too many chemicals and other ingredients. I think fragrances are the enemy. Yikes!

My next goal is to research fragrance free, organic products; make-up, dry shampoo, lotions, etc. I have a gift card to Sephora. They have to have SOMETHING I can use. I'm also going to this Look Good Feel Better class tonight at the American Cancer Society's Hope Club.
http://lookgoodfeelbetter.org/

Ok, so I feel better now that I got all that out. Also, if anyone is wondering, I am going to Woodstock this weekend with my mom, Aunt Nikki, Lexi and Nonny and I'm pretty excited about it. Rain or shine, we're going. That's why rain jackets, boots and umbrellas were invented!

I have also been receiving some really thoughtful, amazing, kind, generous (I could go on forever with adjectives) donations, letters, thoughts, gifts & other support. Each one means SO MUCH to my family and me. I can't even express it enough. I feel like I say that a lot but I really mean it.

My mom also is in the process of moving today and during this move she must have sent me at least 20 old pictures that she found. Most of them are really funny/cute. They also include her and Rich back in the day. Those are classic. I think this is my favorite one so far that she found of Bryan and me.

Ok, peace everyone. Love you all.