Radiation? Check!

Felt SO good to not have to go in for radiation on Tuesday. I mean, I'll miss the techs but I can always go visit them! I met some really nice people: the techs, nurses, admin staff, other patients, radiation doctor obviously etc. Some patients were more fun to talk to than others so I got some contact info!

On Monday, my exit interview (as I like to call it) was quick and went pretty well. The nurse told me the following tips and info:

1. Side effects will last another few weeks , including, but not limited to:

A. Definite extreme fatigue which I really notice around 1-3pm daily. They said I need to listen to my body and rest. It's hard when I'm at work to even request leaving to nap because I usually get a second wind around 4:30-5 but apparently it's not because I'm tired from lack of sleep, I actually, medically need more.

B. Potentially more hair loss in the same areas. I think it cover it up pretty damn good. I think people would be shocked if they saw how much was really bald. When I curl it (which I started doing) and pin it just the perfect way, I think it's pretty unnoticeable. The wind causes a big problem because it does need to stay perfectly in place but I'll just make sure to always carry a mirror with me to fix it once I'm inside! The other problem is that I won't be able to put my hair up ever without a headband or scarf but that's not a huge deal, I hate my hair up anyways, except for the sock bun which looks cute with a scarf. Anywho!

2. Continue to use gentle products on scalp and face and continue to use aquafor daily for at least another month then can switch to a lotion. She said the skin marks from the mask (which I creepily took, see below- I threw it out already) will eventually go away. 

3. No sun for a full year on my face or scalp. I guess I will be healthier in the long run!

4. Healthy diet. Okay, so I took this one really far. I am going to go Kris Carr (Google her) style, which includes no added sugar, no artificial sweeteners, no caffeine, no alcohol, no white stuff AND vegan. I was already doing most of these and I started vegan this weekend and it hasn't been bad. I actually made really good meals so far and have done my research on restaurants around the area! 

This is a spicy peanut sriracha sauce over pan fried tofu. It actually tasted AMAZING but I will say these recipes take a lot of preparation time. Now I know so I will have to plan accordingly. This same night, I bought John some steak tips to pour the sauce over and he made a wrap out of it! 

And John got me this amazing veggie slicer/pasta maker. I used it finally (3 months later) and literally was amazed at how it made this zucchini turn into fasta (fake pasta- get it?) so last night I made a similar peanut sauce over pasta. It was a cold dish which I love. He had real pasta I had zucchini! So good. Also got a good processor which I see in a lot of recipes.

Back on the "healthy diet" when I say "no" to all of those things, in my case, that doesn't mean ever. Let's be honest, I am going to enjoy myself a cocktail, piece of cake, etc at special occasions, birthdays, holidays, events.. But I'm really going to make those things treats or exceptions, not the norm. The meat I have no problem doing without, never been my thing. I'm not even sure if I eat turkey on thanksgiving. I'm more of a side junkie (started pinning a ton of ideas.) The eggs and cheese are a little tough but they have great substitutes. Alyssa actually made me these AMAZING vegan oatmeal cookies with unsweetened applesauce and bananas. (Thank you, love you!) I already drink almond milk so I'm all set there. Also, I'm not going to be mrs. Omg made in an animal/dairy facility, don't touch it! More or less just not the obvious stuff, ie. I won't eat a bacon egg and cheese on a white hard roll with a glass of milk. (Although that sounds good lol) 

And alcohol, not having it for 3 months has really been crazy, especially with my group of friends, especially with people who grew up in Hudson where it was, sadly, all we did. And I'm 24, it is all that a majority of my friends do. I mean, everyone was willing to not drink and go out hard core because I have the most amazing friends and family but the usual weekends consisted of where to pre-game, how to get around and coming home at 3-4am. This was then followed by a very hung over, unproductive next day including really unhealthy foods (if the drive thru wasn't hit up the night before or both) and laziness. So I'm thinking, make those weekends special, not the norm. I will enjoy my occasional drink, maybe even at dinner tonight (new world bistro- so good) but that doesn't mean I need to drink a "personal" bottle of anything (college people will know what this means lol). Everyone is different but I think I will be happy not living the way I did before all this. Remember my whole weekend? Have no stupid fights with anyone? Don't embarrass myself? Don't mind if I do! Plus seeing other people act the way I used to was a real eye opener. It really is funny. And hey, now maybe people will just have to use me as a personal chauffeur. Tips accepted. 

Anyways, back on food, There really are just so many options! Just need to do a little research and preparation! Ok, in my case, a lot of research and a lot of preparation. Wish me luck!!

5. Stay on all meds except for anti-nausea and chemo pill. Will taper as directed by my oncologist. 

6. "Congratulations!"

Then the doctor came in, said my scarf looked good and that he'd see me in a few weeks. Awkward but funny and "cute" according to some.

On top of the delicious cookies and sweet card from Alyssa. I also got beautiful flowers from my mom, a really cute gift from Lizzie and a super sweet card from John. Love you guys!! Thanks!

I have an appointment this Friday with Dr. Weaver, my oncologist for my usual, 2 week follow up, blood work, etc. So far, so good. And she's really just so sweet and easy to talk to! May have said this in my last blog but if not, we discussed and I'm planning on starting my 5/23 Temodar cycles on the week of Nobember 11th. I plan on updating this as it gets closer and I have more info! 

What else? The weekend of October 26th, I plan on being in Hudson for a few events that some great people set up, including the Melino's event. I'm hoping to see a lot of my friends who I haven't had the chance to in a while! It should be a fun night. I mean, is any night at Melinos not worth it? I was also thinking of maybe doing the headless horseman on that Friday or maybe Sunday (Cody and Nicole, I know you aren't Internet savvy but I didn't forget about you guys asking) Anyone else interested?? I might get tickets this week for it so let me know!

SO SAD, don't even want to say it but my bestie, Laura is also leaving America that weekend to grace Thailand with her presence! Laura the Explorer!!! Love that girl and can't wait to figure out the best time to video chat with her!! 

As always, thanks for keeping up with me! Hope I didn't forget anything!

<3 Erica

Is it Columbus Day yet?

Hi blog readers!

Beware: I got a little collage happy on this one. (Inside joke: colleague happy, college happy, etc) 

Since my last post...

1. SARANAC LAKE: Saranac was amazing! The foliage was just beautiful. It's really nice to appreciate that stuff. We had some awesome meals, walked around Lake Placid, went fishing. We both caught HUGE sunnys. (Lol) We really did relax and I loved every second of it. 

2. RACE FOR HOPE: Thank you to everyone who purchased t-shirts and went to the Race for Hope last Saturday. The pictures all look so amazing and I heard the turnout was awesome. Thanks to my roomies Meg and Alyssa for organizing everything and being there!! I can't thank everyone enough. I have also met some amazing people online, in similar situations (Ashley Putz) who participated, beat her record and supported me!! Amazing people in this world. I hear Team Erica was quite the spectacle! I also saw some faces I didn't expect to see and I loved it!!

3. VOLLEY FOR ERICA: Thank you to Chuck Peters, the HHS volleyball team and other helpers for setting up the volley for Erica game at Hudson. The candy sales and donations received were unbelievable and I truly can't express my gratitude to everyone who participated in the event. The girls looked amazing, wearing my #11 on their arms. So sweet! 

4. HOTT DIGGITYS PIZZA SALES: Thank you to Digger, his staff and all the other amazing helpers to make the pizza sales today! I was really glad I got to stop in and see everyone! Means so much to me. It's a very overwhelming, yet a happy and heartwarming feeling to see the sign, all of those Erica bucks on the walls and all the people who were in and out in just those 30 minutes I was there. Thank you so much to everyone for your support! And I hope everyone enjoyed their pies as much as I did, and maybe a cannoli. (Yes - I cheated hard core this weekend but I think it was worth it!) The outcome for this was truly amazing.

5. MERRIL HOGE: A friend of mine from home, Erica Ginsberg, reached out to me a little while back regarding a retired NFL player who suffered from lymphoma. He e-mailed me this really nice, inspiring e-mail. At the time, I didn't realize how cool it actually was. It wasn't until I saw him talking on ESPN and was informed that he is on there, all the time. Pretty cool if you ask me! Maybe I could have used his help in my Fantasy draft. Not doing so hot anymore. But really, thank you for that!

6. ALOPECIA (scientific name for hair loss): Dr. Chandra told me today that it most likely will not grow back. He said maybe on the right side but probably not on the left side. Also from some discussions I have had, it is expected to continue to fall out after the break for 1-2 weeks. My eyebrow thins a wee bit every day but apparently I'm the only one who can actually notice. I got my mom to finally admit that she can see it but she said you'd really have to focus in on it to notice. That's good news. And right now, I can't do eyebrow pencil or any make-up from my eye lid up, instead it's slathered in my favorite, Aquafor. It is a greasy, Vaseline type of stuff that I have the pleasure of applying as frequently as needed. The perfect addition to already oily skin and hair. This will last another month, at least. Oh yeah, and it's getting SUPER itchy on the bald/balding spots.

As for my hair on my head, wigs will not work unless I have to shave my head completely bald because they just don't stay on. I have too much hair at the moment. And personally, I would like to keep it that way. Cheers to insurance reimbursement on them.

Headbands are also not recommended at the moment due to irritation and what not but may eventually come in handy again soon. I now just cover it up as best as I can with the hair from the other side. Each day gets easier and more relaxed. At first, I'm thinking "strangers are judging me because they don't know what is going and they're thinking, wow that girl needs a hair makeover" but now I'm thinking "whatever, I can just inform them that my oncologist gave me this hair cut."

After a couple weeks into the break, I should have a pretty good idea of the overall hair loss, head and eyebrow and then figure out a new cut or style, master the eyebrow pencil, etc. Hopefully it doesn't get too much worse until then. Prayers :-)
 

7. FATIGUE: This is really new for me. Friday, I had to lay down after work for over an hour then Saturday, I actually fell asleep in my hand, in the car, with John mid-sentence and BPM radio on, not quiet. For those of you who know me well enough, I am not a napper and I rarely get tired so to fall asleep in a car with noise, I knew it had to do with the treatments.

I may have said this in my last post but I have been waking up REALLY early too, pre alarm. Which is not like me at all. So I'm tired from treatments and from general, lack of sleep. A highly toxic combination for someone else to deal with if I'm already grumpy. Several times in the past couple weeks, I woke up so early that I just decided to go to work. It is kind of creepy actually coming in with all the lights off. I figured out there is a button called "Lighting Override" that needs to be pressed in order to turn the lights on. I sat in the dark one morning with my desk overhead lights only. Not cool haha.

8. FOREHEAD/EYE LID: Red, irritated and itchy. I think the aquafor is helping though. The big thing that I notice is the mask marks on my forehead now. It's so strange. See picture below that I had them take today. You can actually see those lines/marks on my forehead, 24/7. I'm assuming it will get worse for the next 5 treatments but they said it will go away over time. AND I can't cover it up with any make-up, yet. So I deal with it and hope people don't notice.

 

9. COLUMBUS DAY: is my last day of radiation treatment. Hallelujah. Apparently people have mini celebrations on this day. I'm not sure what mine will be but I do want to maybe have a piece of something that includes sugar.

10. TEMODAR 5/23 CYCLES: Starting the 5/23 cycles November 10-11, tentatively. The Sunday-Monday after the fundraiser. More info to come!

11. FIRST CYCLE TIME OFF: Was told by both my doc and fellow patients that I met online that the first cycle can be a bit overwhelming. They said I will probably be extremely fatigued and that I should listen to my body and rest. So, I am taking some recommended time from work to do just that. So grateful for everyone who donated time to me. Times like these, it really means more to me than I can express.

12. UPCOMING EVENTS: October 26 - Motorcycle Ride set up by the Devil's Fury MC crew at Kozels and Melino's fundraiser event. I really hope I can make it to both of these! I put the facebook links for anyone interested. THANK YOU SO MUCH to both groups for setting these up. I love to see hometown friends and family get together :-) And I mean, we all love Melino's, let's just be honest.
Ride for Erica
Melino's Fundraising Event

13. FEELINGS UPDATE: I have had several discussions over the past week regarding my emotions/feelings or lackthereof. I just want everyone to know that I'm not really an "awww, everything is going to be okay" type of girl. As my mom put it, I'm more of the "cut and dry" type. I like to get straight to the point. I don't like when people feel sorry for me. I don't like to be the center of attention. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that people care about me and I LOVE attention on the individual basis but I have a hard time with being the CENTER of every one's attention (ie. public speaking - Glassophobia; anyone see that commercial?). I don't like to be called up in front of crowds or be 'honored' in front of a lot of people. I appreciate the honors but I would prefer to receive them privately and in return thank everyone privately or via social media. I'm more of a one arm, double tap on the back hugger, cheek-to-cheek air kisser than a hold me so tight because you want me to know you care. I love everyone and I know that everyone cares and I appreciate it so much.

I appreciate all the fundraising events being held, more than I can express and I would love if I could attend all of them, as long as I don't have to be standing there, with everyone staring at me, feeling sorry for me. I stopped by Hot Diggity's on Saturday and that was great, it was just a nice event, social, got to talk to people one-on-one. I like that stuff. I didn't feel overwhelmed. Just happy. Glennpeters also offered for me to wear one of their crowns on the night of the big event. I'm assuming most girls would be thrilled but I think I might have to politely pass. That's just not my thing. Besides some moments where I have had too much to drink in college, I don't really like to be sung to alone on my birthday, open gifts in front of people, etc. I'm WEIRD, I know but I'm just being honest. I'd rather share my family birthday party with my cousin Lexi where we're both sung to at the same time. 

I have been told that maybe I'm the one that is different, maybe it's a Wordon thing (I love my mom but it is definitely not a Garcia trait). Not really the mushy, emotional type. I mean I cry but I would prefer to do it in the comfort of my own bed, alone, get it out, get over it and move on. I don't really like to be told it's okay in those moments because if I'm crying I don't think it is okay in that moment but I can guarantee that I will realize that it actually is okay when I'm done. I just don't need other people to inform me of that. I don't know if it's an independence issue or what.

I also love when I see people that I haven't seen in a while and I hear a nice, simple, something along the lines of... "how are you doing? you look great." That I like. I can answer. I'm actually doing really well for the most part, minus the cosmetic stuff, I feel pretty good so I'm glad I look good! On the contrary, I have somewhat of a hard time with the emotional back rub and the sympathetic, somewhat mopy "but really, how are you doing, I'm sure this is tough." No Shit it's tough but I'm not mopy. Don't make me feel like I should be!! I also have a really tough time hearing that it hits home for certain people because XYZ died from cancer. That isn't a real comforting feeling. I am NOT, in any way being insensitive. I truly feel really bad for that person but I think I have a hard time with it because I have a hard time with other people being upset. Unlike me, who would rather be upset alone and not be bothered. I think there are a lot of people who want to be comforted and told that everything is going to be okay and that it is going to get better, etc. I just want to know what the next step is, straight to the point. Keep living life, doing my daily activities (minus the radiation soon), etc. It's hard for me to treat someone the way they want to be treated because chances are, I wouldn't want it that way. I need to work on that!

When I am venting and/or complaining about something related to what is going on with me, chances are, I want to be agreed with, not have someone trying to down play the situation. Just say, "yeah, that sucks" or whatever phrase is better than sucks. Maybe, unfortunate but in either case, it just is what it is. There is no making better of it. And I'm not saying that in a negative way at all. I just think, let's all be honest here, if it was you, you would be feeling the same way. Do I have any followers? Maybe not on this one, lol.

Like the hair thing, Number 6. For me, I'd rather hear, that sucks, sorry you have to deal with it. Moving on, next topic, how to cover it after I'm done. I appreciate everyone telling me that they still think I look beautiful and I'm still Erica and my face hasn't changed but really, let's not all down play what is going on here. You know what I mean. I think.

It's just the way I feel and I really hope that I am not making anyone feel bad about what they did or said because no one knows what to do or say. I completely understand that but now everyone has better idea of what not to do or say, with me at least, in my situation.

I hope that wasn't too negative because I love everyone still, the same, as always!

14. TORRE: Bryan and Nichole got a new puppy this weekend, compliments of Meg's brother. She is an EXTREMELY cute, large, playful, loving, happy pup. I went home yesterday to do the pizzas and see the pooch. Bryan just sent me this cute picture. I think he finally tired her out. I can't wait to babysit!!! Aunt Erica!

NOW THAT I MADE EVERYONE BORED WITH MY FEELINGS UPDATE....

                 **Things can always be worse... so smile :-)

XOXO
<3 Erica