Hi blog readers!
Beware: I got a little collage happy on this one. (Inside joke: colleague happy, college happy, etc)
Since my last post...
1. SARANAC LAKE: Saranac was amazing! The foliage was just beautiful. It's really nice to appreciate that stuff. We had some awesome meals, walked around Lake Placid, went fishing. We both caught HUGE sunnys. (Lol) We really did relax and I loved every second of it.
3. VOLLEY FOR ERICA: Thank you to Chuck Peters, the HHS volleyball team and other helpers for setting up the volley for Erica game at Hudson. The candy sales and donations received were unbelievable and I truly can't express my gratitude to everyone who participated in the event. The girls looked amazing, wearing my #11 on their arms. So sweet!
4. HOTT DIGGITYS PIZZA SALES: Thank you to Digger, his staff and all the other amazing helpers to make the pizza sales today! I was really glad I got to stop in and see everyone! Means so much to me. It's a very overwhelming, yet a happy and heartwarming feeling to see the sign, all of those Erica bucks on the walls and all the people who were in and out in just those 30 minutes I was there. Thank you so much to everyone for your support! And I hope everyone enjoyed their pies as much as I did, and maybe a cannoli. (Yes - I cheated hard core this weekend but I think it was worth it!) The outcome for this was truly amazing.
5. MERRIL HOGE: A friend of mine from home, Erica Ginsberg, reached out to me a little while back regarding a retired NFL player who suffered from lymphoma. He e-mailed me this really nice, inspiring e-mail. At the time, I didn't realize how cool it actually was. It wasn't until I saw him talking on ESPN and was informed that he is on there, all the time. Pretty cool if you ask me! Maybe I could have used his help in my Fantasy draft. Not doing so hot anymore. But really, thank you for that!
6. ALOPECIA (scientific name for hair loss): Dr. Chandra told me today that it most likely will not grow back. He said maybe on the right side but probably not on the left side. Also from some discussions I have had, it is expected to continue to fall out after the break for 1-2 weeks. My eyebrow thins a wee bit every day but apparently I'm the only one who can actually notice. I got my mom to finally admit that she can see it but she said you'd really have to focus in on it to notice. That's good news. And right now, I can't do eyebrow pencil or any make-up from my eye lid up, instead it's slathered in my favorite, Aquafor. It is a greasy, Vaseline type of stuff that I have the pleasure of applying as frequently as needed. The perfect addition to already oily skin and hair. This will last another month, at least. Oh yeah, and it's getting SUPER itchy on the bald/balding spots.
As for my hair on my head, wigs will not work unless I have to shave my head completely bald because they just don't stay on. I have too much hair at the moment. And personally, I would like to keep it that way. Cheers to insurance reimbursement on them.
Headbands are also not recommended at the moment due to irritation and what not but may eventually come in handy again soon. I now just cover it up as best as I can with the hair from the other side. Each day gets easier and more relaxed. At first, I'm thinking "strangers are judging me because they don't know what is going and they're thinking, wow that girl needs a hair makeover" but now I'm thinking "whatever, I can just inform them that my oncologist gave me this hair cut."
As for my hair on my head, wigs will not work unless I have to shave my head completely bald because they just don't stay on. I have too much hair at the moment. And personally, I would like to keep it that way. Cheers to insurance reimbursement on them.
Headbands are also not recommended at the moment due to irritation and what not but may eventually come in handy again soon. I now just cover it up as best as I can with the hair from the other side. Each day gets easier and more relaxed. At first, I'm thinking "strangers are judging me because they don't know what is going and they're thinking, wow that girl needs a hair makeover" but now I'm thinking "whatever, I can just inform them that my oncologist gave me this hair cut."
After a couple weeks into the break, I should have a pretty good idea of the overall hair loss, head and eyebrow and then figure out a new cut or style, master the eyebrow pencil, etc. Hopefully it doesn't get too much worse until then. Prayers :-)
7. FATIGUE: This is really new for me. Friday, I had to lay down after work for over an hour then Saturday, I actually fell asleep in my hand, in the car, with John mid-sentence and BPM radio on, not quiet. For those of you who know me well enough, I am not a napper and I rarely get tired so to fall asleep in a car with noise, I knew it had to do with the treatments.
I may have said this in my last post but I have been waking up REALLY early too, pre alarm. Which is not like me at all. So I'm tired from treatments and from general, lack of sleep. A highly toxic combination for someone else to deal with if I'm already grumpy. Several times in the past couple weeks, I woke up so early that I just decided to go to work. It is kind of creepy actually coming in with all the lights off. I figured out there is a button called "Lighting Override" that needs to be pressed in order to turn the lights on. I sat in the dark one morning with my desk overhead lights only. Not cool haha.
I may have said this in my last post but I have been waking up REALLY early too, pre alarm. Which is not like me at all. So I'm tired from treatments and from general, lack of sleep. A highly toxic combination for someone else to deal with if I'm already grumpy. Several times in the past couple weeks, I woke up so early that I just decided to go to work. It is kind of creepy actually coming in with all the lights off. I figured out there is a button called "Lighting Override" that needs to be pressed in order to turn the lights on. I sat in the dark one morning with my desk overhead lights only. Not cool haha.
8. FOREHEAD/EYE LID: Red, irritated and itchy. I think the aquafor is helping though. The big thing that I notice is the mask marks on my forehead now. It's so strange. See picture below that I had them take today. You can actually see those lines/marks on my forehead, 24/7. I'm assuming it will get worse for the next 5 treatments but they said it will go away over time. AND I can't cover it up with any make-up, yet. So I deal with it and hope people don't notice.
9. COLUMBUS DAY: is my last day of radiation treatment. Hallelujah. Apparently people have mini celebrations on this day. I'm not sure what mine will be but I do want to maybe have a piece of something that includes sugar.
10. TEMODAR 5/23 CYCLES: Starting the 5/23 cycles November 10-11, tentatively. The Sunday-Monday after the fundraiser. More info to come!
11. FIRST CYCLE TIME OFF: Was told by both my doc and fellow patients that I met online that the first cycle can be a bit overwhelming. They said I will probably be extremely fatigued and that I should listen to my body and rest. So, I am taking some recommended time from work to do just that. So grateful for everyone who donated time to me. Times like these, it really means more to me than I can express.
12. UPCOMING EVENTS: October 26 - Motorcycle Ride set up by the Devil's Fury MC crew at Kozels and Melino's fundraiser event. I really hope I can make it to both of these! I put the facebook links for anyone interested. THANK YOU SO MUCH to both groups for setting these up. I love to see hometown friends and family get together :-) And I mean, we all love Melino's, let's just be honest.
Ride for Erica
Melino's Fundraising Event
12. UPCOMING EVENTS: October 26 - Motorcycle Ride set up by the Devil's Fury MC crew at Kozels and Melino's fundraiser event. I really hope I can make it to both of these! I put the facebook links for anyone interested. THANK YOU SO MUCH to both groups for setting these up. I love to see hometown friends and family get together :-) And I mean, we all love Melino's, let's just be honest.
Ride for Erica
Melino's Fundraising Event
13. FEELINGS UPDATE: I have had several discussions over the past week regarding my emotions/feelings or lackthereof. I just want everyone to know that I'm not really an "awww, everything is going to be okay" type of girl. As my mom put it, I'm more of the "cut and dry" type. I like to get straight to the point. I don't like when people feel sorry for me. I don't like to be the center of attention. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that people care about me and I LOVE attention on the individual basis but I have a hard time with being the CENTER of every one's attention (ie. public speaking - Glassophobia; anyone see that commercial?). I don't like to be called up in front of crowds or be 'honored' in front of a lot of people. I appreciate the honors but I would prefer to receive them privately and in return thank everyone privately or via social media. I'm more of a one arm, double tap on the back hugger, cheek-to-cheek air kisser than a hold me so tight because you want me to know you care. I love everyone and I know that everyone cares and I appreciate it so much.
I appreciate all the fundraising events being held, more than I can express and I would love if I could attend all of them, as long as I don't have to be standing there, with everyone staring at me, feeling sorry for me. I stopped by Hot Diggity's on Saturday and that was great, it was just a nice event, social, got to talk to people one-on-one. I like that stuff. I didn't feel overwhelmed. Just happy. Glennpeters also offered for me to wear one of their crowns on the night of the big event. I'm assuming most girls would be thrilled but I think I might have to politely pass. That's just not my thing. Besides some moments where I have had too much to drink in college, I don't really like to be sung to alone on my birthday, open gifts in front of people, etc. I'm WEIRD, I know but I'm just being honest. I'd rather share my family birthday party with my cousin Lexi where we're both sung to at the same time.
I have been told that maybe I'm the one that is different, maybe it's a Wordon thing (I love my mom but it is definitely not a Garcia trait). Not really the mushy, emotional type. I mean I cry but I would prefer to do it in the comfort of my own bed, alone, get it out, get over it and move on. I don't really like to be told it's okay in those moments because if I'm crying I don't think it is okay in that moment but I can guarantee that I will realize that it actually is okay when I'm done. I just don't need other people to inform me of that. I don't know if it's an independence issue or what.
I also love when I see people that I haven't seen in a while and I hear a nice, simple, something along the lines of... "how are you doing? you look great." That I like. I can answer. I'm actually doing really well for the most part, minus the cosmetic stuff, I feel pretty good so I'm glad I look good! On the contrary, I have somewhat of a hard time with the emotional back rub and the sympathetic, somewhat mopy "but really, how are you doing, I'm sure this is tough." No Shit it's tough but I'm not mopy. Don't make me feel like I should be!! I also have a really tough time hearing that it hits home for certain people because XYZ died from cancer. That isn't a real comforting feeling. I am NOT, in any way being insensitive. I truly feel really bad for that person but I think I have a hard time with it because I have a hard time with other people being upset. Unlike me, who would rather be upset alone and not be bothered. I think there are a lot of people who want to be comforted and told that everything is going to be okay and that it is going to get better, etc. I just want to know what the next step is, straight to the point. Keep living life, doing my daily activities (minus the radiation soon), etc. It's hard for me to treat someone the way they want to be treated because chances are, I wouldn't want it that way. I need to work on that!
When I am venting and/or complaining about something related to what is going on with me, chances are, I want to be agreed with, not have someone trying to down play the situation. Just say, "yeah, that sucks" or whatever phrase is better than sucks. Maybe, unfortunate but in either case, it just is what it is. There is no making better of it. And I'm not saying that in a negative way at all. I just think, let's all be honest here, if it was you, you would be feeling the same way. Do I have any followers? Maybe not on this one, lol.
Like the hair thing, Number 6. For me, I'd rather hear, that sucks, sorry you have to deal with it. Moving on, next topic, how to cover it after I'm done. I appreciate everyone telling me that they still think I look beautiful and I'm still Erica and my face hasn't changed but really, let's not all down play what is going on here. You know what I mean. I think.
It's just the way I feel and I really hope that I am not making anyone feel bad about what they did or said because no one knows what to do or say. I completely understand that but now everyone has better idea of what not to do or say, with me at least, in my situation.
I hope that wasn't too negative because I love everyone still, the same, as always!
I appreciate all the fundraising events being held, more than I can express and I would love if I could attend all of them, as long as I don't have to be standing there, with everyone staring at me, feeling sorry for me. I stopped by Hot Diggity's on Saturday and that was great, it was just a nice event, social, got to talk to people one-on-one. I like that stuff. I didn't feel overwhelmed. Just happy. Glennpeters also offered for me to wear one of their crowns on the night of the big event. I'm assuming most girls would be thrilled but I think I might have to politely pass. That's just not my thing. Besides some moments where I have had too much to drink in college, I don't really like to be sung to alone on my birthday, open gifts in front of people, etc. I'm WEIRD, I know but I'm just being honest. I'd rather share my family birthday party with my cousin Lexi where we're both sung to at the same time.
I have been told that maybe I'm the one that is different, maybe it's a Wordon thing (I love my mom but it is definitely not a Garcia trait). Not really the mushy, emotional type. I mean I cry but I would prefer to do it in the comfort of my own bed, alone, get it out, get over it and move on. I don't really like to be told it's okay in those moments because if I'm crying I don't think it is okay in that moment but I can guarantee that I will realize that it actually is okay when I'm done. I just don't need other people to inform me of that. I don't know if it's an independence issue or what.
I also love when I see people that I haven't seen in a while and I hear a nice, simple, something along the lines of... "how are you doing? you look great." That I like. I can answer. I'm actually doing really well for the most part, minus the cosmetic stuff, I feel pretty good so I'm glad I look good! On the contrary, I have somewhat of a hard time with the emotional back rub and the sympathetic, somewhat mopy "but really, how are you doing, I'm sure this is tough." No Shit it's tough but I'm not mopy. Don't make me feel like I should be!! I also have a really tough time hearing that it hits home for certain people because XYZ died from cancer. That isn't a real comforting feeling. I am NOT, in any way being insensitive. I truly feel really bad for that person but I think I have a hard time with it because I have a hard time with other people being upset. Unlike me, who would rather be upset alone and not be bothered. I think there are a lot of people who want to be comforted and told that everything is going to be okay and that it is going to get better, etc. I just want to know what the next step is, straight to the point. Keep living life, doing my daily activities (minus the radiation soon), etc. It's hard for me to treat someone the way they want to be treated because chances are, I wouldn't want it that way. I need to work on that!
When I am venting and/or complaining about something related to what is going on with me, chances are, I want to be agreed with, not have someone trying to down play the situation. Just say, "yeah, that sucks" or whatever phrase is better than sucks. Maybe, unfortunate but in either case, it just is what it is. There is no making better of it. And I'm not saying that in a negative way at all. I just think, let's all be honest here, if it was you, you would be feeling the same way. Do I have any followers? Maybe not on this one, lol.
Like the hair thing, Number 6. For me, I'd rather hear, that sucks, sorry you have to deal with it. Moving on, next topic, how to cover it after I'm done. I appreciate everyone telling me that they still think I look beautiful and I'm still Erica and my face hasn't changed but really, let's not all down play what is going on here. You know what I mean. I think.
It's just the way I feel and I really hope that I am not making anyone feel bad about what they did or said because no one knows what to do or say. I completely understand that but now everyone has better idea of what not to do or say, with me at least, in my situation.
I hope that wasn't too negative because I love everyone still, the same, as always!
14. TORRE: Bryan and Nichole got a new puppy this weekend, compliments of Meg's brother. She is an EXTREMELY cute, large, playful, loving, happy pup. I went home yesterday to do the pizzas and see the pooch. Bryan just sent me this cute picture. I think he finally tired her out. I can't wait to babysit!!! Aunt Erica!
NOW THAT I MADE EVERYONE BORED WITH MY FEELINGS UPDATE....
**Things can always be worse... so smile :-)
XOXO
<3 Erica
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